i hate being jealous. i absolutely hate it.
finally it is over. all this pain and suffering was worth it. i got a new record and placed 4th. i couldn’t believe that happened. and praise the lord for that. praise night was good as well…and now…i know my future won’t be completely straight. but at least, this bend is over. :) now i can focus on gymnastics again, praise, and school. everything will be alright
(Source: lovelaughpeacejoy)
Go hard or go home…
State is today! Couple hours away….I’m so nervous! This is something totally new to me. I never would’ve thought I could go such high levels like this in some other sport other than gymnastics. After today, I will finally get a break. I just really hope I won’t hurt myself today. God, please protect me. I want to PR today, and I know I need you there to help me. Prayers would be appreciated. And then after this, praise night! Night of Hope…I am super pumped! It’s going to be a great night :)
“you and i…can be like sonny and cher…hunny and bears….you and i can be like aladdin and jasmine…we make it happen” <3 {You and I} by JRA
(Source: anthonyyyy, via somedayswhenyouwanttocry)
currently playing this in orchestra but not the whole thing…just like the first movement in some arrangement. But listening to this is so dang epic. the whole piece is so captivating. the melodies are so pretty. makes me think of orchestra and chamber. sadness about chamber. oh well…the song is still pretty. can’t believe the whole thing is 2 hours long though. that is crazy!
i am not that happy, its been like that for the past couple of days. and its like that right now. i am super stressed… (i feel like im growing more gray hairs)… honestly i get all these random panic anxiety attacks that either send me to shock and i just sit there and do nuthin or i just stand in the bathroom in front of the mirror and just cry. i really need this week to end soon. i have my health project tomorrow, i have my huge music history test tomorrow, i have to remember how i am going to help my friends ask someone to prom, i have to study for my AP chinese exam the day after which i know nada, i have to prepare myself for my english in class essay, i have to practice piano and get better, i have to practice for praise night, i have to fix up my friendships and be nicer and not push everyone away or just laugh about it and not try to help, i need to do better, i need to be better, i need to get through this. i have state this saturday and practice everyday. practices so far arent that awesome and i hate being alone…wow i am sure rambling on and on and on… i don’t feel like i could end. i am suffering from major lack of sleep. i found myself sleeping today during my math test o.0 i kept yawning during practice. i feel like i am going to have some serious issues with my life. how am i supposed to live through next year? :( sigh. i pray God will help me through this and somehow, i can make better habits and get things done so i don’t kill myself like this…
(Source: kushandwizdom, via kushandwizdom)
I know i should be taking this seriously, but i really can’t at this moment…sorry
do I even know you anymore?
do i? i honestly have NO IDEA. you have changed. both of you have. ever since you have been caught up in your own little fantasies. you were both my role models. God loving people and there to encourage my faith. i looked up to you. you were an inspiration. an inspiration to read the bible. and to pray. and let God in and just rely on him more and make him the center of my life. but what now? im disappointed. beyond disappointed. i can’t even explain to you. you swear and use god’s name in vain. you changed and evolved to fit in with the popular people. you don’t even give a crap about your best friends anymore. or maybe im not even your friend anymore. is that why you don’t even talk to me? we sit next to each other but there is nothing to say. nothing at all. i don’t hate you (or do i now?) im questioning myself… but i wish things were back to the way they were before. i find myself with no words to say to you. almost everything you do is new and foreign to me. i don’t understand. i really don’t.
